Here are at Accordionists Central, we take accordion players and accordion brands seriously. But this doesn’t mean we’ve lost our sense of humor regarding the ‘special’ and unusual musical instrument we love.
Here is a nice sampler of the Internet’s best accordion jokes.
What’s the difference between an accordion and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up an accordion.
How is an accordion like an artillery shell?
Once you hear it, it’s already too late.
Some musicians think suqeeze-boxes are the best instruments ever…
But that’s just accordion to them
Accordion to studies, its very easy to hide musical instruments in every day sentences.
I find that harp to believe though.
Why didn’t Bach buy his wife a new accordion?
He couldn’t afford it; he was “Baroque”.
A bagpipe player, a banjo player and an accordion player all walk into a bar…
What’s the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathizers.
A man walks into a bar…
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he’s carrying an accordion case.
The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
An accordion player walks into a bar,
He orders a drink and chats up the bartender and the regulars for an hour.
Suddenly, he realizes that not only has he left his instrument in his back seat of his car in full view of passers-by, but he hasn’t even locked his doors.
He quickly excuses himself from his conversation and rushes outside and up the block to his vehicle to take care of business, but it was too late. Sure enough, someone had thrown another accordion in his back seat.
What do you call a haunted accordion?
Polka haunt us
Going to war without the French
Is like going hunting without an accordion
Pay me $10 and I’ll play accordion for you
Pay me $100 and I won’t play it.
If you drop an accordion, a set of bagpipes and a viola off a 20-story building, which one lands first and which way up do they land?
What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.
What is the range of an accordion?
Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm!
Why do Accordionists make good politicians?
They are used to playing both ends off against the middle
This guy plays a New Years Eve gig and afterward the club owner says “Great job, can you play again next year?”
The accordionist replies, “Sure, can I leave my instrument here until then?”
What’s the difference between an accordion and a cat?
Only the cost, they both make the same kinds of sounds when you squeeze them.
The song most requested of accordionists?
Can you play Far, Far Away.
What’s the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump up and down on a trampoline.
What is the definition of a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn’t.
The difference between an onion and accordion?
People cry when they chop up onions.
What is an accordion good for?
Learning how to fold a map.
Why do Accordionists make good politicians?
They are used to playing both ends off against the middle.
How can you spot a bad accordionist?
The lead singer can tell he is playing wrong notes
What is the difference between an accordionist walking down the road with his accordion, and a goldfish swimming down the gutter with a banjo on his back?
The Goldfish has got a gig to go to.
What is the definition of perfect pitch?
Closing your eyes, turning your back and throwing an accordion into the bin without touching the sides.
Source: Accordion Hub SA
How is playing an accordion like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.
How do you make two accordionists play in time?
Shoot one of them.
How many accordions can you fit in a telephone box?
101 if you chop them fine enough.
What do accordion players use as a contraceptive?
What does a long court hearing and a bad accordionist have in common?
There is always a huge sigh of relief when the case is closed.
What’s the difference between an accordion and a concertina?
The accordion takes longer to burn.
What’s the difference between an accordion and a lawnmower?
You can tune the lawnmower, and the owner’s neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don’t return it.
What’s the difference between an accordion and a macaw?
One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.
What’s one thing you never hear people say?
Oh, that’s the accordion player’s Porsche.
The big accordion says to the little accordion: “Did you reed that joke that I sent you?”
The little accordion replies: “Yes, and I’m very happy that it wasn’t bellow the belt”.
What do you call a group of topless female accordion players?
Ladies in Pain.
What kind of calendar does an accordion player use for his gigs?
When does a accordion player sound the best?
When the tune is over.
Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses?
So they don’t disgrace themselves in parades.
What’s the difference between a road-killed skunk and a road-killed accordion player?
The skid marks in front of the skunk.
What do you call a cow that plays the accordion?
What do you call a beautiful woman on an accordion players arm?
Why do musicians leave their accordions on the dashboard?
So they can park in handicap spaces.
What’s the difference between an accordion player and garbage?
The garbage gets taken out once a week.
A young child told his mother “When I grow up I’m going to be an accordion player.” His mother responded “Well honey, you know you can’t do both.”
Why does everyone hate an accordion right off?
What’s the first thing an accordion player says when he knocks on your door?
A guy walks into the doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I haven’t had a bowel movement in a week!” The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, “If it doesn’t work, let me know.”
A week later the guy is back: “Doc, still no movement!” The doctor says, “Hmm, guess you need something stronger,” and prescribes a powerful laxative.
Still another week later the poor guy is back: “Doc, STILL nothing!” The doctor, worried, says, “We’d better get some more information about you to try to figure out what’s going on. What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a musician, I play the accordion.” The doctor looks up and says, “Well, that’s it! Here’s $10.00. Go get something to eat”